Just in, giving food to homeless people is now ILLEGAL in 33 U.S. cities.
So it got me thinking, what else could possibly become ILLEGAL…
- Ancestors of immigrants showing any leniency to current immigrants- violators get deported
- Not giving right-of-way to a CEO
- Thinking about having an abortion. If you even look the slightest bit like you are considering having an abortion you will be forced to work at a preschool for minimum wage and no sick leave.
- Drinking of water that hasn’t been packaged in plastic and bar-coded.
- Collecting rainwater on your property. (Oh wait, that’s already illegal in Oregon)
- Being a 12 year old girl and wearing a tank top on a hot day. The penalty is a turtleneck only uniform for the entirety of summer.
- Trying to use the Stand Your Ground law if you are a black woman in Florida protecting yourself from an abusive partner. (Oh wait…)
- Considering a life without producing mini consumers.
- A radio station playing anything that hasn’t been chewed on and spat out 17,000 times already.
- Exposing farm animals to the likes of sun, wind and grass. Violators will remain locked in a cell where they will no longer be exposed to the likes of sun, wind and grass.
- Saying the word that cannot be named (union) within five miles of any place that serves Fine American Food. ( ^COUGH^ McDonald’s ^COUGH^)
- To have any say in whether or not a corporation gets the right to run a corrosive pipeline of toxic sludge through your front yard. (Oops, I’ve been beat again.)
- Doing something that does not involve consuming or making money.
- Library late fees. Every day that you’re late means burning 20 books. Of course this would eventually lead to our next one
- Reading books
- Mentioning that females have orgasms in sex ed. I guess this would of course first require there to be a sex ed.
- Having residency in over 3 different states in your life time. The 3rd state had better have been a damn good choice because you’re stuck there.
- Declaring bankruptcy. (Oh wait, who am I kidding, this is only illegal if you have college loans)
- Whistleblowing (getting there…)
- Scientists talking to the media without their corporate babysitter (Illegal in Canada)
- Paying the venue, band, talent directly for a concert instead of Ticketmaster (We’re kind of there, right?)
- Speaking back to a street harasser. Proper responses will include a “Thank you”, curtsy, or the exchanging of phone numbers. If proper responses show signs of sarcasm official complaints can be filed with the police,
- To consider, even for a brief moment, that you want both a college education and an unhinged life. Just thinking in this way will start to accrue debt.
- Showing empathy in any shape or form. Not OK. And don’t expect to receive any when you are charged.
- Having the audacity to question what mutated pig gene is in your food. Doing so requires your body to be donated to science. While you are still alive. (Yeah, this one’s a joke.)
- There will be a pollution tax. Not producing enough pollution personally each year will result in all humanly afforded rights being relinquished. We have a quota to meet.
- Acting as if you are even the slightest bit interested in another employee’s wages. This usually comes from the fear that you, being female are being financially undervalued by your employer. Punishment is an immediate pay cut. And if you are a Black or Hispanic woman that pay cut is twofold. (Not that far off)
- Looking a cop in the eye. You will be swiftly dealt with. (You won’t even know what hit you, well other than 7 cops of course.)
So what do you think will soon be illegal?